Google searches for ‘emotional connection’ are up 78% over the past month, while searches for ‘relationship advice’ are up 54%, showing that many are struggling and searching for ways to strengthen their bond with their significant other.
Interiors brand Oak&More have spoken exclusively with award-winning sex and relationship expert Gemma Nice to find out why eating at the table a couple of nights a week can strengthen, or maybe save, your relationship.
Gemma says social media and constant screen time have caused a disconnect in our romantic relationships
“We are so disconnected from each other right now with the use of devices or answering emails and not really clocking off when we should be. A connection at dinner time is falling by the wayside. We’re often eating on the go, or eating at our WFH desk, or even having a TV dinner. This has made us less connected and can affect the way we communicate with each other. It makes us less able to bring things up when it comes to communication, trust and intimacy issues.”
What can we do to improve our relationship? Cooking together can be a great way to destress and connect
“I always get my clients once or twice a week to actively cook together. This can bring the cortisol levels down and bring the serotonin, dopamine and endorphins higher, meaning there is more of a connection being built. This allows you to co-regulate your nervous systems together because you are using your senses with the smells of food, the feel through textures, the taste through eating, the feel of the wood on the table, etc.
"If this happens twice a week, it doesn’t feel like a chore, but it feels like more of a genuine connection. I tell my clients when they sit down to have a ‘phone-free’ zone so there can be more of a connection built. This is a great way to ask questions about what you both got up to during the day and to talk about genuine things. “
Eye contact is a non-negotiable
According to Gemma, “Eye contact is a great way to build and release oxytocin, making us feel more intimately connected. It gives you both space to ask questions, which you may find hard to ask when you are sitting and being open, honest, raw and real with each other.
"As there are other things at the table that can ease uncomfortable moments, like sipping water or pausing to use your knife and fork. These small rituals can make it easier to bring up difficult conversations. Asking your partner questions such as, “What was one thing you found exciting today?” or “What are you grateful for today?” helps the conversation flow more naturally.”
She also adds, “With fewer distractions, you can be more open and present with each other, which creates a stronger sense of connection and improves the bonding experience.”
Don’t overcomplicate things - keep it simple
“Keep the meal simple. It doesn’t have to be a three-course meal. It could just be spaghetti bolognese, but the key is to make it fun when you are cooking. Flirt with each other, dance around the kitchen together. Making it fun instead of a chore is a great way to keep the connection going.
"Place a candle on the table and put on a chillout or lounge playlist, or have classical music playing. This can help set the mood. If you have a wooden table, look at all the scrapes, scratches, etc. on it. Remember, this table has been through a lot, and you can use this in your relationship too. There will be marks and scars within your relationship, but this table has stood the test of time, and so will your relationship.“
Make 2 nights a week a non-negotiable
“Have a non-negotiable two days where you do this and don’t move these. These could maybe be a Sunday evening, so you are both calm for work on a Monday morning, or a Thursday evening. You can choose.
"If, for any reason, you can't make it that non-negotiable evening due to a work commitment or something else, pivot that and make it a morning breakfast at the weekend or choose a lunch date. If you do this, your relationship will become stronger, because you can be more open, honest, raw and real with each other.”
